Number 5 on my earlier post about BlogWorld, 10 Things I learned at BlogWorld, was:
There’s a big difference between meeting someone and building a connection with someone. Chris Brogan (@chrisbrogan) taught me that in a 30-second conversation. It requires a full post, but it changed how I think about things. Completely.
I wanted to expand on that thought, as promised, in more detail.
First, let me set up the scene.
I was talking with Jon Lansner, journalist for the Orange County Register, who I know from living in the OC and he and I attending numerous social media events in the area over the last year or so. As we were walking he saw Chris Brogan and went over to say hi. I tagged along as we were wrapping up a conversation about a previous panel, and since I had never met Chris I thought this was a pretty decent opportunity to say hello and thank him for everything that he has written and shared.
Chris saw Jon coming and said hello. I’m not sure how they met, but I would guess it was at Chris’s recent Orange County appearance and talk (see it here) to promote his new book Trust Agents. Jon ran the idea by him that we were discussing previously and then Chris took that riff and rattled off no fewer than 3 opportunities for Jon around that idea including a company, a contact and his own thoughts on how it would play out. Then he pulled out a business card, wrote down a name and email address and told Jon to contact that person regarding what we were speaking about.
Then I introduced myself to Chris and the first thing out of his mouth was “I really appreciate what TurnHere is doing.” (TurnHere is the company I work for, and I was wearing a TurnHere t-shirt. It also said it on my badge.) Then he said “I remember when you guys started out with travel videos.” I don’t remember what I said, but it was probably something like “Very cool,” and then Chris was off to an interview he was late for.
I was left totally speechless.
Why this is remarkable.
Let’s look at this here. In the span of 5 minutes Chris accomplished the following:
- Was incredibly friendly and approachable even though he was on his way to an interview. He was welcoming and open.
- He listened carefully to what Jon said and thought about it sincerely.
- He provided Jon a valuable contact regarding the idea (building a new connection) and even wrote down the email address to make connecting easier for Jon.
- He provided Jon insight on the idea and where he saw additional opportunity regarding the idea.
- He recognized where I was from and made me feel welcome and that what I was doing had value.
- He demonstrated that he wasn’t just BS-ing by referencing our early beginning.
- He left graciously and made an exceptionally valuable impression.
What I took away from this 5 minutes
As I was said, I was speechless. I quickly realized that there is a huge difference between meeting someone and connecting with them and leaving a positive impression. I think it’s pretty easy to see how the above interaction is much different than a “Hi. Nice to meet you.” interaction. Personally, I’m going to make it my goal to do more what Chris does and less what I normally do which is just say “Hi” and then make small talk. Compared to small talk, what Chris accomplished in 5 minutes is staggering.
Now, of course Chris is in a slightly different position than me (and maybe you) in that he is well-known, a published author and regularly hired to consult and speak on everything in the industry. This means he knows a lot of people and can help a lot of people by putting the right folks together. But my bet is that Chris has been doing this before he wrote his book, before he knew everyone. I bet even with a smaller network Chris was putting together people that could benefit from the new connection. I bet with a less-busy schedule he was devouring information and learning about the people he was meeting. Filing away tidbits to make them feel special, acknowledged and engaged.
So what I’ll be doing differently from here on out
As I meet new people I’m going to shift the way that I approach those new conversations and connections to try to emulate what Chris does.
- Constantly grok my network for areas where a new connection could benefit from an introduction to someone I know. And make that connection for that person.
- Do more homework on people I’m likely to meet. I want to leave an impression when they walk away, and having more insight about who they are and what they do is critical to that.
- Actively listen always. I like to think I’m a decent listener; but it doesn’t hurt to continually focus on becoming better at it.
- Think of thoughtful questions to pose in place of plesantries. Why waste time with “How’s your conference going so far?” when you can leave an impression and create a meaningful connection with a substantiative conversation facilitated by you.
- Get a better sense of when to move on. Chris knew the right point for an exit and took it graciously. Keeps him moving, keeps the interaction enjoyable and memorable and doesn’t drag on.
So what else did I miss? What do you think? Leave your thoughts in the comments and thanks for reading!
Photo Credit: Daniel Alexander/FramesMedia.com
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Wow, when I asked what #5 in the last blog post was about, it was much less than this! Nice one, Morgan. That's a lot of food for thought there, thank you for sharing it. A lot of useful lessons right off the bat.*speechless* is about right
He really wowed me Sally. It gave me a whole new thought process for how I can make the most out of brief interactions with people. It was truly a learning experience in every respect. Thanks for the comment!
Thank you so much for the insightful post!As an aspiring PR professional this kind of information is invaluable. I am still in school but have taken some time off to hopefully get a foot in the door through part-time work and/or an internship. And, I have a feeling that when attending PR and social media events in my area having read this will come in handy so that I make an impression when meeting any PR professionals, for work and networking. So, Thanks!
Thanks for the comment Hannah. Glad I could share some insight. Be sure to come back and let us know how it's working for you and what you learn. I'd love to hear about how your networking goes so that I can keep learning myself!
Nice post, Morgan. Chris is “walking the walk” for sure — and kudos to you for setting these new goals for yourself. (Ima join you in that.) You should pat yourself on the back, too, for being open and attentive enough to draw useful learning from a casual encounter. And, btw, in my short experience with you, you've done as Chris did for you and Jon — share contacts and offer support. Thank you. And, how can I help you?
Thanks Ross for the kind words. I'm not sure how open I've been to those learning opportunities in the past but now that this one has hit me like a ton of bricks I'm going to be on high receive for these everywhere I go. I'm excited to help each other bring some good to our small corner of the world – can't wait to see what OC Good does.
So oddly, you don't have to buy Trust Agents, because your summary from your observation lays out a heck of a lot of what we talk about in the book. You figured it out from one quick interaction. Man, you're smart. (And I'm doubly lucky to have met you).
Thanks Chris! But I am proud to say I already bought the book and am about 1/3rd of the way through. Maybe it put me on high-receive for seeing more in situations when I wouldn't have normally been in tune to it. Of course, I'll take being doubly-smart as well!Thanks again for the great lesson and I'm glad to know that Trust Agents is packed with this info so I'll never forget it.Thanks for the comment and I look forward to connecting again soon!
Had a similar experience at New Media Atlanta meeting Chris. Very gracious and genuine are the words that came immediately to my mind… And I observed him being that way with everyone he came in contact with. Very impressive.Great descriptive post.
Hi Lori,Thanks for the comment. I agree, being open and receptive to opportunities with everyone and not just with people who we think will benefit us makes a huge difference. Thanks for sharing your experience with Chris.
Hey Morgan, was great to see you again at BWE09!I was equally impressed with Chris' ability to connect. I introduced myself to him after his keynote, and we briefly chatted about real estate (he'd mentioned how some in RE were embracing social media in his keynote). He was warm, cordial, and made me feel like he honestly was glad to me me, even though I was a little starstruck from meeting a rock star.The next day I headed over to his book signing and saw him chatting with my friend Sunny. So I butted in was able to get my book signed and make it off to the next session. Chris wrote a wonderful inscription mentioning realty and again left me impressed with his honesty and sincerity. Made me think a lot about how I first (and later) interact with people.
It was great to see you too Jay. I have to say that you're probably the closest to the definition of trust agent in the real estate world that I have met to date. I'm glad you had a similar experience and you're right. It's that instant recall of facts and interactions that makes what he does so impressive. Thanks for sharing!
Wow, what an excellent lesson – and what a nice man! Thank you so much for writing this up, Morgan. Kudos to you as well for being able to extract so much useful information from one encounter – and then pass it on to others who might benefit from it. In your own way you've just done what Chris deserves much praise for doing at the conference.
Thanks for the comment Charlotte and I appreciate your kind words. I'm trying to constantly learn and this was an amazing example of what you can do (and learn) in 5 minutes.
How insightful of you to recognize the value of the moment, the prospects of the moment and to internalize it for future moments to arrive AND pass on. thanks for the succinct morsel to pass along!
Thanks Janna, I'm really glad that I recognized the opportunity too. That's why I wanted to write it down so I wouldn't forget about the lesson I learned. Thanks for the comment!
Great lessons. What's most impressive to me is when Chris/others are able to do this on the fly instead of making the connections an hour or day later. It's something to aspire to for sure.
Alison – you're exactly right. The ability to do it all in real-time is the most amazing thing about it. I think it comesdown to mind set, preparation and being open to seein opportunity in every situation.Thanks for the comment!Best,Morgan
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Your thoughts on the “gracious exit” were particularly useful. It's one thing to develop an engaging and mutually beneficial conversation with a new contact, but it's another to know when to end that conversation. It seems advisable to leave everyone wanting a little bit more. This is something I'm going to work on! Great insight!
Kyle, great point. The exit was equally as impressive as the conversation. Chris saw a natural break point and took it without seeming in a rush or hasty. If he had stayed around the conversation would've lost its fidelity and the interaction would've ended awkwardly with Chris announcing that he really had to get going. It was very impressive. Thanks for the comment!
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Morgan,What Chris exhibited is business networking at an all-star world-class level. Blown away by a Kevin Garnett 3 pointer? This is no different.World class networkers do this by instinct. The motto is “Giver Gain” from Dr. Ivan Misner, the founder of BNI.Before every Web Innovators Group event, I research almost every of 1000 registered attendees to know who is who and what their company is about.In-person networking is instantaneous. Online social networking is 24/7. Take it to the web my friend and apply the same principles.
Thanks Marsh, I really like that aphorism – Giver Gain. I'll have to file that away for future use
The instantaneous nature is what's so amazing to me. I agree w/you definitely a ton of prep work to get to that point. Now I know what to focus on for my coming ad:tech conference the first week of November. Thanks for the comment!
Geez, its come to this that we now need bloggers to tell us how to act in a social gathering?! Or maybe it is because our people skills are being compromised by so much keyboard action. Geez Louise! Is anyone is sales around here? Do you folks ever READ! Networking is has been going on forever. Oh well, you've learned a valueable lesson regardless of the “speechless” quip. Why do I read and comment on these things.
Geez Michael – guys have been hitting home runs for a hundred yearsand I still am in awe of one when someone really hits a moon shot.People have been giving speeches for thousands of years, the good onesare still good enough to be appreciated. Just because something hasbeen “going on” for a long time doesn't mean you shouldn't stop andappreciate and try to learn from something when you see it. I've readall about sales, I've been successful in sales, I've taken the DaleCarnegie course. Seeing good networking in action is different thanreading about it. You ever read an article about a concert you wishedyou were at? Not the same as being there. I've seen enough salescoaches, life coaches and other second rate sales people “network” atnetworking events and this was different. I appreciate things donewell. And I'm always looking to learn in every situation. I wish Icould have it as figured out as you do, but since you do, I don't knowwhy you read and comment on these things. Seems like a waste of yourtime.
This is such an important topic and I am surprised how little it seems to be used out there in the real world. Thank you for bringing it up and sharing a story that greatly shows us the value of taking an interest in others and making our first contact one that is all about them and what they are working on and who they should meet and what support they most need. This is a great post to keep the idea top of mind as to what real networking is. Thank you so much for sharing!!!
This is such an important topic and I am surprised how little it seems to be used out there in the real world. Thank you for bringing it up and sharing a story that greatly shows us the value of taking an interest in others and making our first contact one that is all about them and what they are working on and who they should meet and what support they most need. This is a great post to keep the idea top of mind as to what real networking is. Thank you so much for sharing!!!